January, 25, I went to school with my father’s mask on and a forged note saying I had a rush and it needed to be covered. It was black leather painted with silver and unfurls at each corners like a fern. If someone told me that, that day would be the waste day of my life, I wouldn’t have even bothered listening to them. But guess what; yes it was the waste and longest day of my life. Principal Paul Jones came to class and announced that Zachary Rubin, my boyfriend, was dead. Every girl in the classroom cried apart from me. My eyes were as dry as sand. After the announcement, we were all summoned to Jill Wang, our counselor. She told us that we were there to talk about what had happened and how we felt about it. During the session Brandon thought that it would be the right time to tell the whole class that I was Zach’s girlfriend. Zach and I actually kept that as a secret because he had an official girlfriend, Sarah, who everyone knew. All eyes were on me. When the session was over, I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, lowered the seat and sat on it. It hit me, Zach is dead, his gone, I will never see him again all that’s left are thoughts and memories of us. A knock on the door, it’s Sarah. I opened the door, she stepped back and startled. I walked to the sink and rinsed my hands trying to avoid her. As soon as I was done she moved and stood against the exit door. I went over to the dryer and dried my hands trying not to hear what she had to say. After I was done I walked towards her and she moved away. School has always sucked for me but that day was a day in hell. Everyone was staring at me, the seniors, the freshmen, the teachers and even the administration. I even got the ‘slut’ coughs as I walked past some students.
During this period, I developed an interest in the decomposition of dead people. This is what happens, the blood and oxygen stop flowing through the body. Gravity causes the body’s blood to drain from the capillaries in the upper parts to the lower blood vessels causing parts of the body to go pale and dark. Next the cells cease aerobic respiration and energy production is stopped. Calcium ions leak into muscle cells, preventing muscle relaxation, which causes rigor mortis. Reading about the decomposition actually made me feel at peace. It was comforting. I was not in denial about Zach’s death, I was just afraid that I would forget him. His touch, his lips, his face and even his hands on my skin. I don’t want to forget him. I sometimes think of joining him in death. But I can’t, something in me won’t let it happen. Our bound was so strong because I slept with him not once but many times. We explored every inch of each other’s bodies. It was like a pull of magnets, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. He was my first.
DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
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